What I have learned over the years, having working with people on several projects, is that everything can be done right but someone, somewhere, will still find something wrong. Why? Well, because some people want things to be done their way and only their way based on some old school outdated method. Or maybe the person is just miserable and wants company. Maybe the person is afraid of change and uncomfortable with having to deal/ be the facilitator of a new concept. Whatever the case, I used to ask myself questions like:
- ‘Is this person serious?’
- ‘What’s with the fisher’s wife syndrome?’
- ‘Is this person out to get me?’
- ‘Really? I can’t get a ‘good job done’ at least for doing my umm… job!?’
- ‘Why be picky over trivial things and lose sight of the bigger picture?’
- ‘The main complaint is that a work break was taken even though the work is getting done/ completed?’
What I have come to realize is that unless someone has walked in our shoes, or a similar pair for that matter, some people really do not know or care to understand us or the process at which work is done in order to complete the task at hand. They rather ‘judge from afar’, place their impressions on you, and then expect you to meet their demands.
While I was explaining work relationships above, I ask you to think about any relationship that has failed but you wanted it work-friend, family, work, lover, etc.
- What was the process at which you attempted to salvage the relationship?
- Did you put effort into the relationship in order to make it work? If so, then how much effort on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the utmost effort) ?
- What were the causes of the problems and/or end of the relationship?
- How did that person deny you; thus causing the friction? Was the relationship worth trying to salvage?
I ask the above questions because I want you to think about possible lessons learned from relationships that didn’t pan out well and also not to take it personally. Just like that person causing issues may not know or care what we are going through; we also may not know the whole story with them. Thus, they are spewing negative energy around, causing confusion and other problems.
There are many reasons for the causes of many things. Sometimes it’s meant for us to meet people who press our buttons so that we propel ourselves to do better and move on with our lives. Also, on a subconscious level we can learn the lesson or lessons that they are there to teach us. For example, I have learned not to focus on trivial things especially in regards to work because that can hold up the process of addressing more important things. I would not have learned that if I didn’t know what exactly was trivial in the first place. However, after being irked by people who waste time, I learned that lesson rather quickly.
So, remember when you give it your all that was exactly what you were supposed to do. Therefore, if you chose to end a relationship, then you can safety say that you tried your best. And, what else can be asked of you but the best?!
Brought to you by Tia Johnson, CEO of The Violet Sanctaury Spa, LLC 2010